Maybe Next time

Life doesn't always bring out the best things for us. It puts us into situations that we would rather avoid and sometimes pushes us into a tight spot that we cant seem to get away from. I know I was too quick to get excited--but what a blessing it was!
I prayed constantly that if it was meant to happen, then it would. If it wasn't God's will, i prayed for healing, peace, and patience; not only for myself but especially for David. David & I talked about starting a family and I was ecstatic. I knew that I wanted to be married for over a year before we even thought about trying. and david wanted to wait til i was 25--so we thought this was a good fit.
Unfortunately, this wasn't our time & I miscarried on Mothers Day weekend. They took tons of pictures with the ultrasound and everywhere they looked, it was empty. But on the upside, I know that we can and will try again when the time is right. This is a difficult situation in life that I wish David and I could have skipped over--but I know there's a reason for everything and I have to trust that this wasn't in God's timing.
Although, I keep asking myself, what could I have done differently? Is it me? Am I capable of carrying a child? I wish I knew the answers, but in fact, I do not. But I'm being optimistic--David is holding me strong, and we can do this.

p.s. If you did not know what was going on with this situation, I apologize.. this is not something that I could just come out and tell the world immediately. ITs not something that I have shared with everyone--some people are just now finding out. When we went to the doctors office--I was kinda at a loss--and I think i just told the people that I had to tell. so i extend my apologies to you now.

Obviously

When will I ever be good enough? It's frustrating..try try try, and u just end up exactly where you began.
That's life though I suppose. I'm sure I'll keep pushing on..day in and day out.what the heck right?

I need to work on my self esteem, I need to work on my sarcasm..I wish I could wake up and just be positive..be positive ALL day long.what a difference that would be right? I honestly think that if I were less negative and more positive..I would feel better, feel healthier, feel happier..the list would go on and on...

Obviously its something I need to work on..

Grateful....

There are so many things that we are grateful for.. so why not share a few?

Home.. I am grateful that the Lord has blessed me with such a wonderful home, a roof over my head, shelter, a place to run to..our house is still new to us, but we are slowly making it our "home"..i think this will take a while, but we are working on it daily..

Family.. I am so grateful for my family..whether or not we get along all the time or not, whether we are near or far, whether we talk on a daily basis or only once a month.. I am thankful for the family members i have, and so thankful for the ones that can no longer be here on earth with us. They have shaped me into the person I am, they have raised me, and they have loved me.

Work.. yeh yeh, i know what your thinking..your grateful for your job?? yeh right.. but really, I'm grateful that I have a job, I have worked since I was 16 and i have to make a life for myself, and whether I like my job or not, i gotta do it.. I'm glad that I get up every morning and do it over and over again..

Dogs.. ha! I'm thankful for the little babies I have here at home, they are always so excited to see me..who wouldn't love that right? They will always love you no matter what.

Car/Transportation.. if I didn't have a car, where would i be? I suppose i would figure it out, but i'm grateful that i have a job (see above) and that I can have this kind of luxury, when i know there are millions of ppl out there that don't..

These are just a few things, in no particular order...just whats on my mind lately..when i pray at night, I always tell God how thankful I am for the things he has blessed me with. Where I would be without Him, I have no idea..

Holy Cow

A couple weeks back David called me late on a friday night while I was at work, and asked if I wanted to go out and eat at The Red Barn..i said sure, he made reservations, and I was excited! We had never been to the red barn, i heard it was really good and a great spot for a romantic dinner--which we don't have often..
Anyways, we ordered our food and were just talking and having a good time..David had recently started up a facebook account and got in touch with some friends from Georgia..he said he felt like it was time to grow up and that all of his friends had grown up and were starting families and that he felt as though he was still trying to live in the past... (holding on to the past for dear life, is more like it..haha)
But the point of all of this..he said he was ready to let them swim...LOL What i mean by this is, he said he was ready to have kids.. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't just doing this because everyone else was--was he just feeling pressured to have kids because he was behind? I needed to be sure this was HIS decision... At this point, at the restaurant, I was almost embarrassed i think, i was in so much shock i didn't know what to do or say..
But we have talked and I know that he is ready, but now I'm wondering if I am ready.. I think I'm just nervous now--am I ready ? I'm freaking out.. I know we have plenty of time, and I'm reminding myself of that.. But i think once we get pregnant, I'll have 9 months to get ready for everything right? lol I don't want to plan it though, I just want it to happen as it should, Gods plan is wayyyy better than our plan.. its not just way better..it is better! you get the point..
So I'm praying that if it should happen for us, it will... maybe i need to buy some baby books..haha.. (not really, not yet anyways)

July 2011

I have set up a goal and a compromise...to lose 25-30 pounds by July.. This is a goal that I know I can reach and a healthy amount of weight to lose for my body. The compromise you ask? Not only will I look and feel better, but if I reach my goal....David has promised to stop his bad habits as well! I'm so excited I can't hardly wait to start.
It's so very true that I have some HORRIBLE habits..I've had them all my life, so getting rid of them is easier said than done. I love starchy food, ya know..potatoes, bread, Mac and cheese, spaghetti, pizza...should I keep going? I love cokes, sweet tea, lots of orange juice..so yeh it's gonna be hard, I'm going to want to quit..but I've got to get into shape and get healthy! I know I've started this a hundred times, but this is for real! I'm gonna get out there and do it..if it's raining, that's no excuse to not exercise.I can either work out in the house or run on the treadmill at work..
I would really like a food regimen to stick to, and David told me to buy a book..but there are so many out there I wouldn't know which one to pick..but I'm going to just take some tips from online and do what I know is right and we will see what happens..so I'll keep my blog updated every so often when I do my weigh ins... Which I plan on weighing in once a week to keep up my my progress.. Ready set here I go!

New Recipe Night

I've started a new thing to help me become, not only a better cook but a better wife--in the long run.
New Recipe Night!!! Once a week, I pick out a new recipe that I haven't made before and try my hand at it.. some are hits, some not so much--trial and error.. and this way I can add more meals to our regular schedule ya know.. like i have a handful of meals that i know how to make and its easy to get worn out on those.. so repetitive right??

So, I usually try a new recipe on Wednesdays, but sometimes things come up.. don't worry-- i still try a new recipe just change the day! If you know me, if i skip one week, you better just forget all about it.. so i make it mandatory to do this once a week, EVERY week!
Would you like to know some of the new meals? I thought so..lol
We have tried: Turkey Chilequilas... got this idea from Sandra Lee on Semi Homemade... wasn't too bad, i had to tweak the recipe a little and use ground turkey instead of leftover turkey.. it wasn't too terrible, but not a do over thats for sure!
Chicken Tortilla Soup-- in the crockpot.. OMG this was sooo good! i got this from another blog i read, and let me tell you--there were NO leftovers after day 2.. we cleaned that up!
Potato Soup-- i have never been a fan of potato soup, but i thought well maybe i can make it, and i might like it.. it was OK.. i still don't have the taste for it.. but David did like it, we had so much left over, he took a big bowl to work and some of them even wanted the recipe..thanks Betty Crocker!
Easy Beef Stew... made in the crockpot... When i got home after work and checked on the beef, i thought it was ruined! My crockpot tends to cook really hot, and the sides of it were burnt up! I was like great, i spent almost 7 dollars on stew meat just for it to ruin, but i only had to throw a few pieces out.. i poured the stew over some egg noodles, so good! i will definitely need to figure out how to tweak this so it doesn't burn.. (maybe get a new crock pot) who knows..
Meatloaf.. out of a Paula Dean cookbook i have. This was amazing as well.. The only difference in this recipe that was different from most recipes is that it had chopped onions and bell peppers, which really did give a lot of texture and flavor.. I'm not usually a fan of meatloaf bc its so thick and tends to be dry- but this one was great.. and of course a side of mashed potatoes only made it better!
I'm thinking thats about all the new recipes I have tried so far.. gotta get to looking at my new Southern Cooking Cook book i got for christmas and also my Heart Healthy cook book that i got for my birthday.. I'm finally putting all those to good use!

WE will figure it out.

There are certain things I wish to accomplish in our marriage. I understand that it may take some time & patience--but when it comes to some issues, time is of the essence.

1.Trust-- to be able to let it all out. TO not be scared of what the person might think, but to know that you can tell them anything and everything! to know that there are no details about our lives that will be left out, that we can say what we want and need to say

2.Compassion--to put the shoe on the other foot, to open your heart completely to one another.

3. Patience--be slow to speak. Listen to one another, really understand one another. Not let things get to you so quickly. Take the time to spend together and continue to learn new things about your relationship.

4. Admiration-- to look or even think about one another and just be in awe of the love you have for them.

5. Comfort-- to always feel at ease, to feel safe and know that your being taken care of without a doubt. To know when you fall asleep at night they will be there when you awake and love you all the same, if not more..

6. Dependibiliy-- to be a constant, to know that there is always someone to lean on. Someone to pick you up when your falling, hold your hand when your lost, guide you when you might stray.

7. Love-- to always have that flutter in your stomach. To never wanting to let go. Knowing that the other person can never be replaced. Jumping off the edge of the earth just to have them.


These are just a few things that come to mind, in no particular order of course. I'm honestly not sure how to work on these things, or how to exactly accomplish all of this--but I'll figure it out.. WE will figure it out. --together!