one year down..

One year down.. and many many many more to go. Sept 5, 2010 was our one year wedding anniversary. I still have days where I can't believe that we have been married that long...much less that we are actually MARRIED!! wow..
We went out to eat last night with some other couples, all of them either have kids or are expecting, and I know that makes David feel a bit awkward.. I know his feelings on the issue, he feels like everyone is growing up...and well..they are, because thats life and thats what slowly happens..
They are still the same people, just parts of their lives are changing and becoming something new. And maybe it scares him b/c one day he is going to have to grow up too...he's just putting it off as long as possible.. But he did get married, so he's progressing..slowly but surely.. And can i say, he did marry a pretty good girl.. oh yeh, thats me..lol Just playing! But looking back on the last year--I'm so glad that I didn't rush into getting married before I was ready. If it were up to me, we woold have gotten married a long time ago.. and more than likely we would end up getting divorced--i hate to say that, but its probably true. We both needed time to grow and mature before we made that committment to one another, and i'm so appreciative of that time.
So one year is down, I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.. I'm nervous & excited, but I'm also committed to David..I'm ready to continuously love him for the rest of my life, i'm ready to be there for him through all of our ups and downs, I'm ready I'm ready!

I wrote down a quote to read at our wedding but didnt end up reading it.. but i did share it with david when it was just he and I.. I've been thinking about it lately, and how true it is..and always will be between him and I.

--this is is just winging it.. i have it written down, but can't get to it at the moment..

"i stand and watch, as you get closer, you say "sorry I'm late" i smile, and say "no problem", but i think to myself, I could have waited forever".

David and I's relationship was long, and frustrating at times.. but all the while I loved him, and was willing to wait and wait.. and come back each and every time. and he knows that.. and its all because he's my everything.. im so happy to know that we have an anniversary to celebrate each and every year together.. to celebrate our love for one another..i'm so happy to call him my husband..(oh yeh, and my honey bear..lol)

just not my style..

I'm 23, almost 24..yep, its my birthday.. in 10 days.whooohoo! But anyways, on to my topic. People often ask me when I'm going to start "going out" and having a good time. (like going to the bar, club, whatever..) I have never been to any of these, if you want to go, then thats your thing.. but going out has never been my style, its not part of my personality. Thats just not my scene. Stuff like that often makes me uncomfortable, just sitting at the bar of a restaurant makes me somewhat feel uneasy. I'm not sure why, but it just does.. maybe its because I'm a little unsocial could play a huge role.
Before david and I got married, one of his biggest concerns was that maybe I was still a bit immature when it came to things.. maybe not too immature, but too young. he expressed that he was afraid that I might have a change of heart and want to start going out and partying and see what i've been "missing".. I have never wanted any part of that, and I won't in the future. I have seen way too many negative things come out of those situations and I'm looking for something other than that.
just my thoughts on the issue..

Because you love me...

I honestly have no idea what I would do without David. The more and more I contemplate on the issue, I find myself worried about what I'm going to do when he leaves this world. I would be so grateful to be able to spend the next 60 years with him if God were to allow us to. That may seem as though I'm asking a lot, but I would be lost without him, it's not that I'm dependent on him..in someways I am..but I know I could take care of myself regardless, but I wouldn't want to.
When I feel as though everyone has left my side, I know that David is always at my side no matter what. Our marriage is more like a never ending friendship, as a marriage should be I know, but it's almost different in a way.. I still look at David and can't believe he is my husband, it's so unreal... We have been married almost a year, wow..a year? That in itself seems crazy to me, I would have never imagined that David would want to get married. Even though I always wished for it to be true.
I can't wait to start our family, for now it's us two, and our three pups. I want to spend time with just the two of us before we have kids, wait until the right time and know that we are both ready.. It took five years for marriage, I was patient and waited, now I'm going to be patient and wait for the right timing for children.
I love David with my entire heart and so much more..I know that I just keep repeating myself about all of this..but I just want to be able to share my thoughts, and this is the way I do it. My feelings for David have never changed and never will...no matter what may happen, he is my first love, and he will always be my love. He is my comfort, my best friend, my protector, my one and only, my honey bear(lol)

Something must be in the water... There are so many people getting pregnant. I'm not so much jealous, but more worried about when it's going to happen for us. I know that the time will come when it's supposed to...when God has planned it to happen...but what if Gods plan for us is not to have kids..I know that I need to be patient and trust Him, it's just eating away at me, ya know?
I am only human..I have wants, I have expectations...when truly I need to think of the desire that God has for my life, for our life, and the life of a child if we were to receive one..
I suppose I'm just anxious, and I know, I'm only 23..there is plenty of time for little ones, and at heart I'm still considered a little one. In my heart I'm just terrified that maybe I won't be able to have children...don't ask why I feel that way..I just do, and I hope and pray that I'm mistaken...

Just holding my niece, Reiya today..how much love I know I could and want to give a child just pulls on my heartstrings..whatever the plans are, I'm ready..I just have to remember there is a plan for David and I...I just need to wait and be patient..very patient...very very...lol

OUr house is a very very very fine house.. with 12 dogs in the yard.

David and I are now the proud owners of 3 dogs.. not one, not two, but THREE dogs.. wow. I would have never ever in my life imagine having 3 dogs --much less 3 dogs in the house. At times it is very frustuating.. with feeding, and keeping them from fighting, keeping them occupied and not tearing up or digging in the trash.
But for now, these dogs are my kids--and I do love them as my children. They are a bit annoying from time to time...but they are always loving, and always excited when you come home. They wait at the door for us and love to just sit in our lap and nap..
We have had Harley for close to two years now, she was our spoiled baby..thats for sure. We let her sleep in the bed with us, and let her get away with biting our ankles. We brought Rex home a few months ago.. he is such a sweet, calm dog, and has been able to really make Harley chill out a little..lol But unfortunately, Harley had to move out of our bed.. That took some getting used to, I really did miss her rolling over in the morning and just letting me pet her and love her.. that was the one time she was just completely a sweetheart.
About 2 weeks ago, we brought Boscoe home.. he is a male boxer, 10 weeks old. I have to remain patient and remember that he is still a pup.. but he is doing just great. He just has to remember that he is MUCH bigger than harley and rex.. lol He is a goofy dog, and I swear he can talk.
I suppose when I lost Roscoe (our other weenie) about a year ago, I have had a hard time filling that spot, and I'm just looking for the right thing to do that.. Don't misunderstand, I don't think 3 dogs will do the trick by any means.. 1 dog could do that. But I just have a soft spot now for a little partner with four legs..

Grateful

So thankful.

I am so thankful for David. I'm so glad that I can call him my best friend, no matter what happens, he is always there for me. If I make a bad decision, if I'm upset, frustuated, sick, etc.. he is ALWAYS there to take my side and be there for me. I'm so grateful that he is such a hard worker, he can work long hours and then come home and get caught up with yardwork, or just whatever. And if I want to go ride my bike, he will be there walking next to me, just to make sure to keep me motivated.

If I try a new recipe in the kitchen, whether good or bad-- like a great husband, he always says "not bad babe"..lol And he's never too good to come in the kitchen and help out from time to time. (and i should mention, he can make an excellent fried egg..haha) These may seem like simple and small things.. but its the small things that I enjoy the most.
David means the world to me, and I can never tell him how thankful I am to have him in my life. I can never tell him how much I love him. I just have to thank God everyday for the gift that he has given to me... my husband, my best friend.. David.

barefoot contessa.

I can sit here all day long and watch the food network. Oh how I wish I could cook like these wonderful chefs. And that's no kidding! I also wish there was a really good cooking class around here that I could attend.

Don't get me wrong.. I can cook, it just seems to be so repetitive and gets old quick! Just ask my husband.. haha! I would love to work in a test kitchen and just prepare dishes all day long. what a fabulous job that would be.. too bad I can't find one!!

Anyways, thats my wish for the day..