Sunday, May 22, 2011

Maybe Next time

Life doesn't always bring out the best things for us. It puts us into situations that we would rather avoid and sometimes pushes us into a tight spot that we cant seem to get away from. I know I was too quick to get excited--but what a blessing it was!
I prayed constantly that if it was meant to happen, then it would. If it wasn't God's will, i prayed for healing, peace, and patience; not only for myself but especially for David. David & I talked about starting a family and I was ecstatic. I knew that I wanted to be married for over a year before we even thought about trying. and david wanted to wait til i was 25--so we thought this was a good fit.
Unfortunately, this wasn't our time & I miscarried on Mothers Day weekend. They took tons of pictures with the ultrasound and everywhere they looked, it was empty. But on the upside, I know that we can and will try again when the time is right. This is a difficult situation in life that I wish David and I could have skipped over--but I know there's a reason for everything and I have to trust that this wasn't in God's timing.
Although, I keep asking myself, what could I have done differently? Is it me? Am I capable of carrying a child? I wish I knew the answers, but in fact, I do not. But I'm being optimistic--David is holding me strong, and we can do this.

p.s. If you did not know what was going on with this situation, I apologize.. this is not something that I could just come out and tell the world immediately. ITs not something that I have shared with everyone--some people are just now finding out. When we went to the doctors office--I was kinda at a loss--and I think i just told the people that I had to tell. so i extend my apologies to you now.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


When will I ever be good enough? It's frustrating..try try try, and u just end up exactly where you began.
That's life though I suppose. I'm sure I'll keep pushing in and day out.what the heck right?

I need to work on my self esteem, I need to work on my sarcasm..I wish I could wake up and just be positive ALL day long.what a difference that would be right? I honestly think that if I were less negative and more positive..I would feel better, feel healthier, feel happier..the list would go on and on...

Obviously its something I need to work on..